Respect and Shame

This article at Bitch Magazine about respectability and the roles Black women take on in American cinema reminded me of the issues of respect and shame that often come up for those of multiple minorities that want to explore creative sexuality.

One issue that often pops up from my family and home culture whenever the topic of sexuality is discussed is shame. Sex and our bodies are private matters, not to be shared openly - so if you do "expose yourself" you are "bringing shame" to your family, your community, your culture. Individualism isn't as strong a value; you are representative of where you come from, and your actions could lead to retribution onto your loved ones  if you weren't careful.

Growing up in Malaysia, "sexy" was often used as a slur. My teenage school-friends would still titter about it, though it didn't take much for something to be titter-worthy ("Mandy Moore wore a tanktop in her video! What a SLUT!" was actually something that was said by a classmate, which made me go o_____O heavily). Because professing any interest in sex in and of itself was grounds for disrespect, trying to get any solid information about sexual health and consent was difficult - leading to strange things like the head of a blood disease advocacy organisation in Malaysia writing a Letter to the Editor around 2003 protesting against free distribution of condoms, because it encourages "promiscuity", which then leads to STIs, which then leads to less blood donations. (I wrote a letter back pulling apart their points as well as reiterating that condoms help prevent STIs and that being a good blood donor doesn't depend on the number of sexual partners you have. A family friend who was a doctor applauded my letter; my parents were surprised that I knew anything about it to comment.)

Attempts at a national sex education curriculum come and go - the last time I knew of one was in 2004/5, when I was invited as part of a youth group to come to the discussion forums, and found contradictory information such as "If you feel that you may be gay or lesbian, you can seek support from a trusted adult" followed by "All religions and cultures condemn homosexuality". Thankfully there were other people there that were willing to speak up from the perspectives of LGBT rights, women's rights, and comprehensive sex ed, and I also learnt that abortion laws are relatively liberal and that birth control is OTC! Stuff you don't hear about from schools or the media because everyone's stuck on "OH NO WE CAN'T LET THE KIDS HAVE RANDOM SEX" and "orgies & drugs" are the go-to accusations for tabloid newspapers vilifying youth culture (and are taken seriously by the Government!!!).

There are groups of people who are more willing to understand and accept discussions of sexuality - usually you'll find them in urban hubs, where people have more exposure to outside cultures. Still, not all these hubs are accessible, and just because they're more liberal doesn't mean they don't hold problematic ideas around sexuality or other identity issues. (E.g. hipster anti-racism or transphobic feminism). Being someone from a multiple minority gets even more complex because one identity group you associate with could be discriminatory against the other identities you hold (racist queers or homophobic POC, for example) and it can be hard to find a group that will accept all of you.

There's also a somewhat related respectability issue when it comes to creativity. The arts isn't seen as a viable career in many cases. In Malaysia, if you wanted to study the humanities (art or literature, not many options beyond that), you were often relegated to the "last" class while the "top" classes were reserved for science. Even the Australian Department of Immigration and Citizenship doesn't recognise artsworkers in its Skills Lists, despite a strong push from the Creative Industries sectors within. There is often pressure by artists to be less "frivolous" or questions about whether poetry or dance will "change the world" - privileging more obvious and direct efforts (the "save starting children in Africa" issue). How do you command respect as an "artist", often told to "get a job" or do something more important?

The arts is a powerful vehicle for social change - it's a strong avenue for those who have been silenced and marginalised to express their truths (as demonstrated by Candy B in my last blog post). They provide representation and belonging, an opportunity for people to connect with those that they can relate to. I was just reading Art is a Spiritual Path by US-based artist and art therapist Pat B. Allen, which had plenty of personal stories and researched information about artists who found community and healing through their work. It's not always about directly being in service, such as feeding the homeless or building houses; it's also about constructing new paradigms and structures for opinions & perspectives to be respected and flourish, to show people as humans rather than as a set of stereotypes, to assist with healing and problem-solving, and to adjust the preconceptions and values that people hold that lead to structural and institutional issues. To dismiss it as just "frivolousity for those with nothing better to do" is to dismiss the hard yards that many people put in to express themselves and get issues in the public eye through creative means.

One of the core things I want to achieve with my MFA, and something that I was stoked to see discussed at length in Allen's book, is witnessing. People create, and the audience pay witness to their creations, while the artist themselves also witness the work to find wisdom and learnings. A lot of people's issues with respectability and belonging is the feeling of not being acknowleged or welcomed, of feeling invisible, that no one actually cares. Witnessing them as they express themselves the best way they know now gives respect to their experiences and perspectives, acknowledging it as valid and sacred, that their concerns have merit. Shame is replaced with respect. They are not wrong for having the questions they have, for wanting to explore certain parts of themselves (even if those explorations are loaded in a history of suppression and shame), and there is space for them to at least have those explorations acknowledged if nothing else - rather than feeling that they have to live up to someone's idea of "Respectability" to get by.