Reconnecting with culture through queer love

Autostraddle recently published an article about Jamaica's first lesbian wedding, between Dr Emma Benn and Nicole Y. Dennis, with a roundup of various articles that talk about the wedding and their relationship with each other & with Jamaica - a country still dealing with homophobia (partly from colonial history) and cultural clashes.

The part that especially resonated with me was how they talked about the decision to come back to Jamaica for the wedding, knowing that there was still a lot of cultural resistance against queer people (a common sentiment faced being about "American values"). However, according to Dennis - who had left Jamaica for America to find freedom - the marriage and partnership helped her see Jamaica in a new light:

In my vows I mentioned that because of my partner I fell in love with my country again. For a long time I ran away from Jamaica, seeking refuge in the freedom that America offered. However when I met Emma, she was adamant about visiting Jamaica. “Why not?” she asked when I turned her down a few times. I couldn’t tell her then how much I was hurt by the culture stifled by the seemingly robust structures of colonialism. I couldn’t tell her then that every time I touched the soil my insecurities flooded the gates of my consciousness and broke the levees, thus paralyzing me. However, when Emma and I finally returned to the island together for our first visit as a couple in 2010, something felt different. At the time I couldn’t place what it was. There were no words to describe it since my brain had not yet processed it. I felt beautiful, stronger. Empowered.  

Feeling comfortable with myself had nothing to do with maturity; it had a lot to do with acceptance, not of myself, but of my culture. You see, while I learned to love and appreciate myself, the good and the bad, I found my culture to be a big part of who I am. So running away with a knot in my chest only robbed me of half of the woman I am; half the partner; half the writer; and half the soul of the stories I live to tell. ... I now love myself enough to love my people and accept that not everyone had the opportunity I did to be exposed to certain knowledge that would rid the flaws and mentality colonialism imposed on us. I am lucky to be free, emancipated from mental slavery, free to love myself, and free to love others. In other words, I am now whole.

Does one gain a greater appreciation for their past if they feel they are accepted in the present? Does it take going away to be able to come home again? Is it possible to really come home if you still feel that home won't take you as you are - or that nowhere else will?