Intentions: On the choice of university

I've had a few prompts lately to consider my intentions with this project and the MFA overall. I've written about what I want to achieve artistically; this now is about my choice of university.

So ever since I announced my acceptance into CIIS I have been receiving VERY polarized feedback about the university. Either they're super excited about the course, think it's a great fit, and know graduates (or are themselves students) who have worked well there - or they got nothing out of it, and instead faced strife and discrimination (racism has popped up a few times). I sometimes feel pressure to pick one side, to justify my choices.

For me it's not about the university per se. It's part of the bigger environment.

I first met CIIS in 2010 at the Performing the World conference in New York, where they facilitated a creative workshop (I believe it involved telling your own story about a topic, about which I'm not sure). I really appreciated and resonated with their approach, and their presence in San Francisco strengthened my desire to be there.

From that point on I looked up any opportunity to spend time in SF and landed an artist-in-residence spot at CELLspace. I aimed to build my skills and courage in performance art, while also exploring the various aspects of the Bay Area I enjoyed so much. I found that three months was nowhere near enough, and not long after I returned to Australia I made it a goal to spend more time there.

I'm not really one for "pure" academia - mostly the idea that a degree is compulsory for respect. I believe skills and knowledge can be obtained in many different ways and that there are many problematic assumptions made about the worth of those who can't or won't go to university. I am all about choices, about working with your personal learning style, about respect no matter what.

I loved learning and loved research, but my last few forays into university took that away from me: my Malaysian university screwed many of us over with grading (unfortunately not an uncommon experience) and turned me off the in-depth research skills that would have made my progress at the Australian university better. That Australian university, meanwhile, wasn't as "real world" as it made itself out to be, especially with their very limited view on cultures outside Australia (one of the courses started off as Cultural Appropriation is Awesome and I tuned out) as well as some incidents that made it hard for me to find as much joy in writing as I used to.

Even then, I gained some useful and positive experiences from both places that I treasure. The Malaysian university was a rare one that encouraged open & free expression of dress, allowing for weirdo misfits (including a fair few queer students & staff) to be who they want to be. I also found a cohort of friends (most united against the shoddy management) some who are still dear to me many years on. It was also where I learnt how to ask good survey questions - something I don't see taught often and which has helped with my skills of critical thinking & interviewing.

Meanwhile in Australia there were a couple of classes & lecturers that I immensely enjoyed, plenty of opportunity to get involved with the community in & out, and some level of personal support. (I work there now and it's been pretty good so far.)

What I appreciated about the CIIS MFA was that it was more practical rather than solely academic - the same major trait shared in my favourite classes from undergrad. I'm getting to know some of the people in my cohort or just before, people whose work is inspiring & admirable - and who I'd like to get to know in any context. Such people aren't easy to find near me - and a large reason for my move is to be near the communities I see in the Bay Area, people who I find nourishing & helpful.

What this course also gives me is structure: dates and deadlines and goalposts to follow while creating my work. I have found that having a development structure makes a HUGE difference to the quality or existence of my work, especially when that structure includes built-in accountability to others. It gives me motivation, audience, and a framework that I can start from rather than being overwhelmed by too much empty space (as I noticed in CELLspace where I had to create my own structure at the same time as figuring out what's there for me to tap into).

Most importantly, it's a doorway to larger opportunity. Being enrolled gets me through US immigration & allows me to stay a while. Once I'm there I can get as involved as I want in and out the university - including reconnecting with the people that sparked me the last time around. It's harder (near impossible) for me to just show up with no plans: even if I somehow made it past Immigration, I'd be at a loss for "what now".

This MFA was the only grad school app I made - mostly because I just wanted to get one done & see how that goes. If I didn't get in I would apply for a couple of other suitable places for later. There weren't really much in the way of longer-term structured arts programs (I did apply for one but wasn't successful) though I'd be interested in hearing about them.

I fully expect to have to deal with racism & other bigotries while there. Life experience has taught me that it's unavoidable. Even the most open-minded radical places aren't immune (and sometimes the bigotry can be worse due to denial). And if it's not bigotry I'm sure I'll find some other problem. I'd find it everywhere: CIIS isn't special in that.

Even if CIIS turns out to be a dud, I would at least made some headway into exploring my artistic self & the issues that concern me. I don't have to rely on it, or an MFA, to provide that. It's not always my fault if something does go wrong, not my fault I "didn't listen" or went ahead anyway - I know what I'm getting into and have a larger vision in mind, and I'm still in the right to ask for help or support.

I think that even bad experiences that you never want to encounter again have something to offer depending on how you look at it. I believe everything in life is a Rosarch test, that the sum of your attitudes and experiences determine what you take from a situation. This wouldn't be a waste any which way - because I can still make the best of it the way I know how.